To call my own...

The past 2 years have made me seen and experienced a lot more... most of them were difficult times... but then I can't complain... because I now know what it means that what can't kill you can only make u stronger... I think so... that a lot of what I have gone through in these 2 years have made me a stronger and I think a better person... I think I've come to appreciate much more what my parents have done for me in the last 20 years and know that bringing us up is not an easy job...

I know I complained or was upset about alot that has happened in this 2 years... but I am really grateful for them... because I much prefer the person that I am right now than the self-centered and spoilt child that I was... No doubt, still with many flaws but I felt I have grown up more in these 2 years than in the other 20 years of my life...

I know that I have much more than many other people in the world... U never get to see the poor people in Singapore.. here in SF, they are everywhere... I have a home over my head, a family that looks out for me and a job that supports my own expenses... I can even help out paying some of the bills at home... I am 22 and not a child anymore... don't think my parents should pay for everything that I spend... For my trip, I feel that there is a ownership of this trip that I did this all by myself... the food, the things I buy, the tickets, the accomodation... this whole experience was made possible by my own effort...

I look forward to doing this again in September this year...

Can't hurry love....

I guess that is true... but getting a little tired of waiting... And I don't even know what I'm waiting for..

I don't feel lonely.. I don't think I ever felt lonely because I've always been blessed with so many wonderful people around me... my friends and my family... I know I am never alone whether I'm in need of company or not... but u guys know me- doing things alone-like watching movies... I am not bothered by the fact that I'm by myself.. Sometimes I even like being by myself... gives me time and space to just observe people and places around me... peace and quiet that is hard to get in a crowd...

Although I must admit that I miss hanging out in a big group or having someone to talk to or do things with.. apart from my sister... but even she has been preoccupied...

I don't feel lonely or in need of anyone but then I also wonder how long before I meet someone with whom I have a special connection... I kind of envy a lot of you guys.. Relationship may cause sadness that you've never experienced before but then at it brings joy that is beyond what I know... and I yearn to feel the sadness and joy that comes with being in love... But like the song says, you can't hurry love... you'll just have to wait... yup, so I guess that's what I'll do... just keep waiting...

When it comes, I just hope I'm not too scared of falling out of love to take the chance of falling in love...

On Singlish and my semester so far...

Things have been pretty chaotic and tiring this whole semester so far. I go home exhausted, bruised, with a huge ulcer in my mouth. But things have also incredibly fruitful... and I think that is with all things.. once you get through it and look back.. the journey looks less torturous than what it felt...

I'm past the mid-term and heading towards the finals.. several projects to complete but love all my team-mates, especially excited about choreographing and performing my own dance piece for my dance composition class.. it's gonna be an uphill battle BUT i think that in the end it'll be great memories that I'll treasure... the grades right now are irrelevant to me...

*whew* I need to just let things out and take a moment for a breather...

I was having a discussion with my mum yesterday about how Singapore wants people to stop speaking in Singlish. I don't know if they are still doing that right now but I remember the speak Proper English Campaign several years back. But I've come to realize now that I am here that Singlish is a wonderful language. Singaporean Elitist might say that it's not sophisticated or doesn't sound pleasant. I remember some of the people in JC and so many people on the streets speaking with a warped American/British accent. I honestly don't understand what THAT was all about. To me at least, Singlish is one of the most expressive languages I've encountered.

Sara was saying when she came over to SF that I speak 4 languages. I was telling her "er... No... where got four?" And she said as a matter of factly: "Ya, you speak english, american english, cantonese and mandarin." hahaha.. and I laughed happily at her comment. I was telling her singlish and english should be counted as one language cos singlish is just a variation of english...

But come to think of it now, I think that singlish is completely unique as a language- it mixes english, mandarin, hokkien, malay, tamil... sometimes they can be found all in the same sentence....

I was telling my mum that I was at Macy's and one of my colleague was asking me how I was doing- I wanted to say I feel very sian and tried to translate "sian" but I realized that I couldn't really find a word in the English language that could express the state of being that i am in- "sian lor"...

All the "lah, leh, lor" are also really useful in implicitly expressing how you feel... there's a difference between Sorry la... sorry leh... and Sorry lor... and depending on the tone of your voice and the situation the "sorry" can mean so many things... And that is the power of Singlish...

That's why when you guys comment on or are surprised as to why I have not "Americanize" and speak only American accent English, you should know that I speak Singlish by choice and am loving it...


Rachel~

Becoming a Bully Magnet

http://www.newsweek.com/id/162816?GT1=43001

http://www.newsweek.com/id/162816/output/comments

Though this article raises awareness about the characteristics of children who will most likely be the targets of bullies, I think the issue is why is bullying so rampant in America? It is saddening to read all the comments posted here about how they were bullied as kids. The problem should not be to try to stop the victims from being victims but to stop the bullies from taking out whatever problem they have on others. Maybe there are character traits that make an individual more susceptible to bullying, but I do not believe that it is any of your fault for "attracting" the bullies. The root of the problem are the bullies themselves and not the victims, so I think that even if the studies can identify who the potential victims might be, it doesn't do anything to stop this crazed behavior from happening. I hope that all of you who had been bullied as children have found the means to move on from such traumatizing experiences and live happier lives...


(I wanted to post this on the Newsweek website but it's only open to members... The bullying in schools in America is horrifying... there's definitely bullying in Sinapore schools as well but it feels so common here.. that even people whom I know have been tormented in school before... the things they do are so cruel that I don't know if that is a reflection of the nature of this society...)

Around the world...

As some of u know, I've been sick and complaining about how tired I am these days... I truly am exhausted... but u know, I am really happy about school, work (not so much at macy's) and just life in general... my classes are wonderful... my project mates are great and my dance choreography class finally going uphill again... I'm thankful everyday that we have moved out... (my parents definitely share this thought)

I told my mum that i miss Lengkong Tiga... haha... i really do... the bicycle path and just the comfort of my home... all the little things in Singapore I really miss.. think esp the food...

But I never regret coming over here.. I don't know if Darren feels that way about living outside of Singapore... but just the feeling that there's so much in the world to explore... Singapore is indeed too small...

My sister was just making a comment about how I seem so geared up for traveling now as compared to last time... it's true... I do want to see as many places and experience as many cultures as my wallet permits me to... =)

I've always envied Liz, a friend I met in Beijing... she's from England but she has been to so many places and lived with so many people from all around the world... and now I am thinking why can't I do the same? So I've decided to apply for the Boren Scholarship before I leave City College... it's a scholarship to study a year overseas... think it's such a great opportunity...

I would love to go to India with my sister when she goes next year... but really I don't have enough money to make two trips to Asia... so I'll just have to go next time la... I really need to save at a faster rate... My goal is too ambitious, I know, but i really want to make it this time...

Zan asked me if I will come back to Singapore after my studies... well honestly, I don't know... but I do know that Singapore will always be the place I call home since it holds such dear memories of my childhood and teen years... and also because all of u are there... =)