The Cranberries - Just My Imagination

Dedicated to this space...

No complains

So... I was gonna find some time to sit down and write a little... The subject says it all... I have no complains about my life... there's a lot to be happy for... and if I only see what I don't have or keep wishing for things that I did have... then I guess I'll never really be a very happy person...

So that's what I'll try to do... to see the present for all that I have and be glad about it...

Moving in to a new place, there is a lot of things that we still need to buy and sort out... but we are getting there... my parents are evidently happier and less stressful which in turns makes me so much more relieved... my sister is in a new phase of her life and also enjoying it...

For me? well... I am dancing again.... i'm stiff and a little uncomfortable having stopped for some time but the feeling of dancing is indescribable... it's very liberating that I can do this again...

It was crazy but I cried in class today... the teacher asked us to think about a place that I like being in while we closed our eyes and I thought of the path that I used to walk home from Kembangan MRT station... it was quiet and serene and even at 11pm, there was no paranoia or fear... I missed that very much...

Then I thought about sitting at East Coast Park... I cycled there once to read V for Vendetta... there was salt on my skin, I was sticky all over but the breeze and the sunlight on my face... I thought nothing of it then but now, I missed being alone with myself... having no obligation to speak or fill gaps of silence among people... or even with myself...

So today when we got to sit down and be silent and still with myself, I couldn't really contain my emotions... I haven't been with myself for such a long time that it overwhelmed me...

Thankfully no one saw me crying, I didn't burst out in tears but I will tearing... it was a happy moment for me today...

I look forward to coming back to Singapore... I will be saying this everytime... just as I have been saying i want to leave macy's for the past 12 months... a year will fly by before I know it... will be seeing everyone soon...

Love,
Rachel~

Moving in

YEAH! So happy that we have our own place... it's been a week since we first moved in... we have been sleeping on the floor for the week... and we have to slowly buy stuff for the home... it's starting from scratch but I think we are really lucky to have been able to move in so quickly..

We will be getting the mattresses today.. so finally a good night's sleep...

I'll be probably posting some photos... but really lazy about taking pictures...

Other updates... Joyce and Sara are coming to SF.. so i'm really excited to be meeting them although they will only be here a couple of days... one after another too... =)

Will try to be more diligent about taking pictures... realized I've been to a lot of places and done alot but I don't really have a lot of pictures... hahaha quite a deviation from Zan, 'en and cheryl right? hahaha...

Hope u guys had a good time... let me see some of your pictures soon (which i'm sure will be plenty)

I hope to post again later today cos the delivery person is coming and I feel kinda rushed to type more...

Hoping everyone is doing well... =)

Love,
Rachel~

Keeping up...

Come Undone
By Robbie Williams

So unimpressed but so in awe
Such a saint but such a whore
So self aware, so full of shit
So indecisive, so adamant

I'm contemplating, thinking about thinking...

So need your love, so fuck you all...

Counting all my blessings....

Got some really good news... my parents, my sister and I are finally able to move out! This is fantastic... my parents have aged since moving to San Francisco and it has been most painful to watch them suffer in silence... I am glad that we are so blessed to have found such a great place that is in a good neighborhood...

Today I was talking with my mum and I told her that I am glad that I have been moving from place to place... because being thrown into a different culture and environment makes you appreciate the things that you take for granted...

I have always taken granted being respected as an individual, regardless of gender, age and generation and even race... I was part of the majority race in Singapore so obviously I would not have been able to feel the discrimination that some immigrants or even other minority faced when I was in Singapore...

I also took for granted the respect and freedom that my parents gave me... I always spoke my mind and they listened... my viewpoints have value and my suggestions have weight... that I can contribute to the family... Here, I have to fight a system of hierarchy and authority... I have to be judged and viewed as a daughter who does not know how to obey and seen as "mei jia jiao" when I speak my mind...

My experience living with this family has not been all bad and a waste of time... I have learnt alot and have grown up a little... since i was always the baby in the family... I am thankful for being able to see more clearly who I am, what I value and appreciate the people who are important to me...

There will be some obstacles once we move out but I am sure that the four of us will be able to survive against all odds as long as we are together...

Life has its ups and downs... the downs are there so that you can appreciate the ups... =)

Guess it's true that what can't kill you can only make you stronger... I am definitely stronger now...

Well....

Haven't been blogging for months... so many things have happened but then... blogging about them would be like reliving these horrors...
Controlling, possessive, jealousy, hate mails... man just leave me alone... I have enough problems as it is... don't need this to add to my list of problems...

So I hope that this insane chapter has finally closed and that it will no longer bother me...

Sometimes I still don't know why I came over here... I feel so miserable and oppressed sometimes that I wish I was still in Singapore... ya maybe I'll miss out on some experiences here but at least I am happier...

It's not the country.... just where I am living...

Well... we are now looking for a place to rent and move out... it's about time... my parents have suffered so much in this household that it's painful just looking at them... we must go soon... we are all dying from the inside...

Bad things have been happening in chains and I just hope that nothing bad will happen to my parents, my sister or me... we can't afford to lose anyone if we are all that we have here...

Please protect and bless us...

Things will be better soon.... i just know it will....