Lonely....

I felt very lonely yesterday... I don't know why... suddenly felt that the last 21 years of my life was pointless...

Here I only have my sister and she can't be available 24/7... She was tired yesterday and she couldn't stay up to talk to me... I just needed some company but she was just too tired... I didn't blame her but I didn't feel any better either...

Relocating here has been really hard... I feel I lost a lot of my freedom here...
I cry in the toilet and there's no one else that I can express my fustrations to... I miss so much of my life in Singapore...

I can walk on the most beautiful pathway home... I stroll home close to midnight and I look at the moon in the sky, I can smell the fresh grass and I hear the crickets in the field next to me... everything was so beautiful and relaxing...

Right now, I can hardly even walk home on my own after 9pm... my uncle insists on driving me home from the bus stop... No one can walk home after the sun goes down without the fear of being mugged by someone...

At the bus stop, I met a group of African American girls...It was drizzling and getting late.. and they were asking people if they could borrow a phone... the Chinese being the paranoid they are, avoid them, pretending they don't understand English... they make some racist comments about Chinese not understanding English... I couldn't ignore so I said, "Yes?" They talk loud and act tough but they were grateful someone stopped to lend them a phone... but I was still cautious because I didn't want them running off with my phone... so I put the caller on speaker phone... they made their call and I helped them out.. that was it...

My uncle witnessed that and told me in an authoratative voice to NEVER do that again. I should just ignore them next time... He told me that they will just snatch your phone once you take it out...

I hated what he said... I cannot live like them... being scared of the African americans and being scared of everyone... I have my own judgement too, I hate it that he treats me like some stupid naive child who don't know any better... America has guns, crazy people, drugs, drunk driving, tragedies, terrorists... I know... but I don't want to live in fear... if I'm meant to die I'll die... there's no escaping fate... But i don't want to live everyday in this kind of paranoia... I can't...

I feel so trapped and so dreadfully unhappy.....

This post is a backdate of an outing that happened weeks ago... but just some updates on what's happening with me here in SF...

From the 2nd picture... u can actually tell I am pretty scared of the ice... even with the forced smile... I had cramps on my shoulder and legs the nxt day not because I skated too much but because I was too tense... my muscle cramped! I was likea robot on ice... Fell on my butt twice.. Damn useless la... Anyway the other 2 people in the pictures are our 2 new friends.. (well they are not new anymore... ) so ok... friends! Forrest and Gennesis... we have so much fun together... and i think they are the only 2 friends that I've made so far... so they wun b able to get rid of us that easily... Muhahhahaha (evil laughter)

After ice-skating, we went to a games and toy shop and played around with their costumes and other thingamajigs in the store... We never buy anything of cos... at the end of the day, we just wanted some cheap thrills...

Flight Of The Conchords - Jenny

Really like Flight of the conchords... they do folk songs and comedy...

"Jenny" is one of their funnier songs...

Monotony....

Life these days is pretty monotonous... everyday for the past few months, I've been working, going home, working, going home... there's not much to look forward to...

I suddenly miss the variety of entertainment in Singapore (and Asia in general)... Life is slow here.. and there's NO night life... about 2 weeks ago, my sis, me and 2 other friends went to watch a show.. Eagle vs. Shark... fantastic show... but I digress... The show ended at 9.20pm... and we haven't had our dinner... but guess what... Restaurants are closed or closing... and the only place that has food at this time is 7-Eleven.... We tried walking to downtown in hope of having better luck... but nope... only the REALLY expensive places are still opened.. but even then they close at 11pm...

Flashback to 7 months ago... at 9.20pm, I might just be heading into the cinema... or getting a desert or midnight snack... Now? 9.20pm I'm mostly at home, using the internet... that's what I do every night because it's the most entertaining thing to do...
Next door (in the living room), the family is watching some melodrama HK serial... I think the only good HK serial these days are the comedies... the dramas are terrible... and I don't even have to watch it to know... listening is already bad enough...

Ok! enough of the whining... Some good news... I got a new part-time job @ Macy's (a large shopping mall)... So now I have 2 part-time job and so more money... and more money means I'm gettin closer to my goal of moving out with my sis and parents!

On a happy note, my parents will be coming over in August... and hopefully we can have a place of our own soon....

Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn

Sharing this very beautiful song...